Check out the following article in the New York Times about Attachment Styles at Work and see how you can benefit from being aware of your triggers and what to do about it.
Those with a secure attachment style at work take tasks as they come, do what they can and address issues that come up easily.
They work hard and do not fear saying no when they feel they need to.
They know they are capable, and they are confident that others will respond well to them.
How to tell if this is you
You generally fare best when it comes to managing your time. You are comfortable prioritizing tasks and asking for help when you need it.
You also feel comfortable setting healthy boundaries and pushing back when necessary, and you do not often engage in fear-based behavior.
What to do about it
If you have a secure attachment style at work, you are most likely managing your time well and achieving good work-life balance.
Stay secure but be aware.
Regularly ask for direct feedback...
Some of us are sprinters at work.
We work in long, all-in, intense bursts. Then, we need rest to recover. That’s an important part of the performance cycle too.
Often, we have a hard time claiming that for ourselves because of imposed judgment from others or because we're not maximizing our time optimally.
If you can’t take the time, build in your rest periods with tasks with lower intensity and less cognitive drain.
You’re probably doing it automatically anyway but with unproductive distractions and less control.
My clients are doing time studies over the next few weeks to prepare for Q3 and track and analyze how they are spending their time.
They’re coding for activities, energy levels throughout the day, moods, emotions, thoughts, distractions, procrastination, unconscious habits and patterns, etc.
We will analyze their data to tweak and optimize their productivity and performance.
Conduct your own time study and note your patterns. I bet you’ll...
I used to work with hardcore juvie kids in the community.
They were gun-toting gangsters and drug dealers with terrible impulse control and underdeveloped decision-making skills.
I still can’t believe I ever did that work. It was dangerous.
But, they were human and I learned a whole lot about seeing people eye to eye, digging deeper, and engagement.
One of the strategies that we used to get buy-in and lower their defenses (engagement) when they were getting into too much trouble with the police and in school was, “Let’s make you less of a target. This is what we need to do…”
We worked within context.
This applies to us at work too.
Many of us are doers, advocates, idealists, and perfectionists with strong personalities. Some things are well worth the good fight, and some just aren’t.
I often say to my people, "You are focusing on the wrong shit."
We need to be clear about what matters most, where to focus our energy, and keep focused on...
Defensiveness is self-preservation around insecurity. It’s a vulnerability issue. (A primal response to a perceived threat).
I worked with a consultant who would say, “First the hugs, then the kicks.”
To help lower our defenses, he would follow up with something like: “You are strong in these areas and my opinion is that you could be stronger in these areas... This is what I think you could do to be stronger.”
We never loved the critiques and we would still sometimes become a little defensive, but we knew he cared and was on our side.
We trusted him. His honesty, language, and priming always took some of the stings out of it.
High achieving types often experience performance blocks.
When we unpack it, many times we discover perfectionism, vulnerability, and fear.
We may hold back words or action, because we are afraid of criticism and judgment about what we might say or do and what could go wrong.
We’re afraid of looking weak, foolish, and embarrassing ourselves.
We worry that we may not appear as smart or articulate as others and that we will make mistakes and look “dumb.”
So, we hold ourselves back and say and do less.
I will add that the more conservative the office or space, the more people seem to struggle with this.
Put yourself out there anyway.
Fail more and excel at embarrassing yourself and making mistakes. Practice recovery methods for snafus and embarrassing moments. Own them and correct them if you must. But don’t feel that you have to explain yourself too much.
Trust yourself. You’ve come this far and it’s not by accident. You have things...
Our workplaces, like many of our relationships, are often expected to give us a complete sense of happiness and satisfaction.
It’s unreasonable and unrealistic to expect anyone or any entity to provide us with all of our happiness, joy, success, and satisfaction.
We can’t impose our will onto others without conflict and vice-versa.
It’s on us to do our best to create happiness, joy, success, and satisfaction for ourselves in all the ways that we can.
It’s also a fair question to ask ourselves, “What is in this for me?”
“Does this work for me?” What is my boundary (aka the deal-breaking line)?” “What do I really want?”
If there’s no significant benefit or the bad outweighs the good, figure out how to cut your losses and move on to what serves you better.
Focus on what you can control and create the space for what you do want.
Otherwise, we are sabotaging ourselves and making ourselves victims to our...
I talk about it a lot.
How do we know if we are sabotaging ourselves? It looks like resistance, avoidance, and excuses. The language is “yeah, but...”
Self-sabotage is a vulnerability issue. Fear of failing. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of criticism. Imposter syndrome.
If you’re not getting traction, you’re in analysis paralysis, and you’re in a head spin it’s possibly self-sabotage.
The antidote is to push through discomfort.
Identify and name the feelings and thoughts that come up when you’re hitting a (self-imposed) obstacle over and over.
Focus on what you have control over. Own it and go all in.
Ask yourself- In what ways am I holding myself back from making progress?
Push through it.
It builds grit, resilience, and thicker skin.
If you need help pushing through some obstacles, join us for #thenext7days.
Are you having trouble managing your to-do lists? Try If This, Then That triggers.
If I finish X task from boring task list, then I can do Y task from fun task list. (Eat that Frog Strategy)
Hold yourself accountable, make micro-movements, and stack on your progress.
If you find that you are still having trouble getting things from the X list, then commit to micro-movements from that list.
For example, exercise for five minutes, do one task from unfun list, or spend five minutes on unfun task, then...
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